Among all the baddest ideas in the world, and I mean baddest as in unpleasant, unacceptable, unsatisfactory, inadequate, inferior, miserable, cray cray, the baddest idea would be for me and my mother to “hang out”, as in,  just the two of us, we can make it if we try…NOT!

For starters, we’re both terrible at directions. Secondly, we’re both terrible at directions and then there’s the fact that we’re both terrible at directions.

But as the world celebrated the turn of the Millennium, my mother decided to take me on a Thelma-and-Louise-inspired road trip, except ours was in rural China and we were passengers on a dingy non-airconditioned combat vehicle they called a bus.

China’s countryside was picturesque, swathed in lavish foliage, striking in its simplicity.

However, the roads were unpaved and rough which made the ride very bumpy, very dusty and mostly intolerable.

My mother was hunting for Chinese textiles and was being a cheapskate about it. So just like contestants from the Amazing Race Mother-Daughter Edition, our quest was to reach the farthest-flung area of this province I cannot even pronounce, the fastest way possible with a shoestring budget.

We must have been on the road for four hours, I couldn’t take it anymore, I screamed at the conductor of the bus. HEYYYY ARE WE NEAR BEIJING?!!! He gave me a blank stare. I repeated, BEIJING?!!! AS IN FORBIDDEN CITY BEIJING?!!! No response.

The lady sitting behind me who was probably awakened by my not-so-discreet way of asking a question, yelled back, NO ENGLISH!!! with a matching sharp kick at the back of my seat.

Don’t you speak Chinese? My mother turned to me with that syrupy smile I had since been trying to erase from my memory.

Well the stuff we learned in school was not always applicable since China had various dialects and accents.

My mother beamed at me, You know we’re nowhere near Beijing.

She’s right. I was in denial. I knew that if I had spat out the window, it would probably have landed on Kazakhstan soil. Nowhere near Beijing.

The bus had gotten so stuffy and I was constantly shifting in my seat.

But my mother was in a good mood, Oh look at that nice young man smiling at you!, pointing at the Chinese-looking guy several seats ahead of us who kept on glancing back towards our direction.

Uhm, don’t think so mom, he’s got drool marks all over his face and he’s stroking his pet goat. Truly you know you’re nowhere near Beijing when a farm creature gets a seat in a bus, that’s all I’m saying.

Don’t be ridiculous.

Okay, mom. I pretended to doze off.

Day 2 of our stay in this province I cannot even pronounce, my mother and I found a tour guide slash interpreter who called himself Vincent, just because.

Vincent had planned a grand welcome for us by arranging a generous banquet at the most happening place in town, so claimed Vincent.

Well the restaurant designed like a fake summer palace was packed so Vincent may have actually been on to something there. My mother and I were a bit wary since his previous night’s promise of a dazzling dinner cruise ended up in a fisherman’s vessel where we sat in a murky candlelit (literally just 1 candle) cabin with a dozen locals eating dry noodles.

You asked for authentic, you got it. Muttered mom, no longer so upbeat. Ha!

So back to the fake summer palace restaurant, when the dishes began to arrive, I wondered out loud why they were all colored black– black meat, black sauce, tiny bits of black things maybe beans? Each of the two dozen bowls and saucers in front of us looked like a gaping abyss. Mom and I froze, unsure what do to next.

Vincent, though, was undeterred. Black is good, he prodded, is special!

Turtle soup you like Miss? I made a sour face at Vincent’s invitation.

He was presenting each dish as if they were the Maharaja’s jewels.

This, century egg.

This, pig feet.

This, special black tofu.

This, wee-cah-mee.

What’s a wee-cah-mee, mom? I looked at my mother who was nodding like a bobblehead doll at Vincent’s elaborate display.

Vincent made animal gestures to explain.

Huh? I scrunched my face, confused.

Oh, he meant wild cat meat, mom got it.

 

 

 

Yes! Yes! Vincent was so elated.

We weren’t.

But… but you already paid, Madam! Eat please! Distressed, Vincent chased us as we stormed out of the fake summer palace restaurant.

♦

 

 

The emergence and gradual dominance of the ethereal dragon that is China is paving the way for a new world order, experts argue. Whatever that means ehehehe.

All I know is that as a tubby teenager, I was trying to squeeze into a Betsey Johnson ensemble at Macy’s when the tag caught my eye: Made in China.

Years later as a journalist, I asked the lawyer and top honcho of the Philippine Retailers Association, Paul Santos, How much of all the stuff in this humongous shopping complex is Made in China?

90 to 95%, he replied with a straight face.

Uhm, that’s about all of it, Sir.

Yup.

 

Well, just this week the yuan (China’s currency) was reported to be the 5th most used payments currency in the world. Already!?!

Slowly up the ladder…up up the ladder…up up and away! 

Is China still the biggest holder of American debt? China’s burgeoning economic muscle must be something very few people would like to talk about then.

Remember when China had the audacity to suggest that the US Dollar be replaced with a yet-to-be-named new world currency?

Like a global super-currency.

Uh-huh.

♦

 

However, while China’s poster kids like Beijing (the straight-A heartthrob), Shanghai (the cultured fashionista), Hong Kong (the rebellious social butterfly) and Macau (uhm…the poker-playing cutie pie?) showcase the nation’s glamorous over-achieving pedigree, there’s still the rest of China which, like the less favored siblings, are left to fend for themselves.

Hence, the endless dirt roads and the ever deepening fondness for the exquisite chili con cat meat. #eww

Then there’s all the bad stuff China throws into the atmosphere.

The stunning brilliance of its might overshadowed by air pollution so thick, you can slice through it with a Made in China kitchen knife. ü

 

In 2008, China was the world’s biggest emitter of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

 

 

And as if that was not enough, in 2013, China increased its emissions and further secured its spot as the world’s top emitter.

But whenever I would ask environmentalists what they think about China’s hyper emissions, many of them would actually defend China.

Not that it’s not China’s fault.

But that China is also “making up for it” by hyper producing the world’s cheapest supply of renewable energy components: solar panels, wind turbines etc.

 

Also, they argue that China’s leadership is very serious about cutting these emissions.

 With China’s emerging global supremacy, it’s not difficult to conclude that its role in the fulfillment of a new legally-binding climate agreement is pivotal.

Probably more so than any other country, say France, Australia or even the current boss, the United States.

Recently I read on my Twitter feed that former US Vice President Al Gore teamed up with the entertainment industry to stage Live Earth events in 7 countries this coming June, like a reprise of the Live Earth concerts in 2007 but with some improvements. This global campaign is intended to raise awareness and spur action to address the worsening effects of man-made Climate Change.

 If successful, this could also set the stage for the historic UN Climate conference in Paris this coming December.

Happy to know that they chose Beijing as one of the venues.

Since my trip to the underbelly of China with my mother more than a decade ago, I have never really been back to the country. (Consumption-driven Hong Kong and Macau trips are exceptions because NOTHING TO DO WITH CHINA.)

In 2013, I booked on impulse a Beijing trip with my sister Natasha, which was supposed to be our first trip to great city. But then the China-Philippine tensions escalated and my sister was just not into it anymore.

Live Earth Beijing is giving me a pretty good reason to visit the capital for the first time.

It would be interesting to witness how China and its people will embrace this urgent call for transformation and action.

Cheers!